Thursday, December 4, 2014

I can see clearly now

A few weeks ago, I went to the optometrist's office for my yearly vision checkup. Sitting in the chair, kicking my feet absentmindedly for the sheer pleasure of being able to (at 5'9", there are few seats I encounter where my feet don't touch the floor), I ran through a fairly formidable list of things I had to do before the week's end. I was heading to Michigan that Friday, escaping from school early in an effort to relax. I desperately needed to relax. How could I, with the electricity bill that needed paying, and the trash that needed to be taken out, and the teetering stack of student journals that needed grading, and the litter box that needed cleaning, and the refrigerator, and the bathroom, and the dishes...

When the optometrist walked in beaming the forced grin of professionals everywhere, I had a very deep line furrowed in my forehead. He handed me the black strip of plastic and instructed me to cover one eye. "Read the smallest you can see," he said.

It turns out, my vision is pretty terrible. My glasses should have been updated years ago, but somehow I hadn't realized it; I had an inkling that maybe I wasn't seeing as well, but I could still function, so I let it slide. It's interesting to imagine, now, how the world had been slowly fading right before my eyes—bit by bit, everything was becoming steadily more unclear. Maybe that's a metaphor for how this year has been. Out of focus, blurred at the edges, and me just resigning myself to it.

2014 has been hard. I think it may have been the hardest year of my life. I don't even know what more I want to say about it. It was hard. It was hard. It was inexplicably hard, and I so desperately want it to be over.

I have neglected this blog this year because, I think, I have been sick of my life. That is the honest truth of it. But I am sick of being sick of it. I need this upcoming year to be different, and I intend to devote all of my energy to ensuring it is. This year, I let myself be buffeted by things out of my control, I let myself be ruled by them. I may not have control over the things that are thrown my way, but I certainly have control over how I react to them. I can make a decision to work towards happiness.

I came home from the optometrist's and ordered a new pair of glasses. When I got them, I turned to Henrik and said, "It's like everything's in HD! Is this what seeing's like?"

I'm seeing a lot clearer now. I can see better where I'm going, where I want to be.

for old times' sake ;)  
yellow turtleneck: American Apparel | plaid skirt: thrifted | glasses: Firmoo

And I need to give a big thank you to for generously hooking me up with these frames. I love them and since first learning of Firmoo about two years ago, have used no other company for my glasses. With their fast shipping, free supply kit and case, and truly affordable prices (and awesome selection), I never look elsewhere for my new specks. If you're in need of glasses, try it out: you can get your first pair free. If you want even more glasses, they have a Christmas promotion right now for a buy one/get one free. Do it, my fellow poor-sighted friends.


  1. Great post, I completely understand everything your saying. Is like every year things get harder and harder but it all can be transformed if we change the way we view everything.

    I’m sending you looots of positive vibes from the middle of the Caribbean haha…

    xo, Nydia

    1. Thank you so much! <3 Definitely trying to focus on the good, and am very glad to hear I'm not the only one feeling this way. :) Sending positive thoughts back atcha!


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